Happiness vs. Pride

If you were to choose between pride and happiness, which would you choose?

Me? I'd choose pride. I always do.

Happiness has always been temporary. It doesn't last longer than a week. After which, you'd end up much lonelier than how you started out with. There was even a point in time that I did all I could in order to not be happy. I figured out without feeling any moment of bliss, sadness would be normal for me. Hence, no more pain. No more tears. No more endless thoughts of "why me?" and "what did I do to ever deserve this?".

But last year, someone taught me that it's okay to be happy. That pain is part of our lives and whatever we do, we could never get away from it. That tears actually help ease the hurt. And that time does heal all wounds. True, scars remain, bringing to mind each and every pain we went through. But these same scars keep us stronger than we used to be. After all, we got up from our last fall, didn't we?

To make the long story short, I started choosing happiness. And I was happy. Happier than I could ever imagine myself to be. But as always, happiness was temporary. Pain got the better of me. I tried to cover up the wounds, but the stinging won't stop. I cried my eyes out but it didn't make me better. I gave it time, but the throbbing worsened. And so, I grabbed on to pride to help me stand up and start walking again. Before I realized it, I was already far away from where I fell. It was good at one point. I've never felt better. The bad thing is I'm lost.

Now, I remember the lessons I learned from my friend. I remembered the vow I made to myself to never let pride get in the way again. But I did. And I'm back to where he once found me. It's just that now, I don't think he's gonna come looking for me again.

You know what's more upsetting? As stupid as he is to let me go, I'm letting pride take me wherever it chooses to.

Good friendship gone bad. Now that hurts.